Saturday, October 8, 2011

Vanishing Twins, Part 2

     When I was very young, I remember having a vivid dream that stayed with me for many years.  In this dream, I was one of two identical black cats in a small, darkened space.  I remember feeling very warm and safe in this space, and comforted that there was another being there with me.  I felt deeply connected to this other being, this other black cat, and that made all the difference.

     Suddenly, this other being, this other black cat, disappeared.  I knew it was gone for good, and I was both deeply distressed and terribly frightened.  That feeling of comfort and connection was gone.  I felt so alone, and the anguish of this aloneness was wrenching.

    It was so wrenching, in fact, that I woke myself up with my own heavy sobbing.  The grief and feeling of isolation stayed with me for many years.

    I tried to be close to my siblings and childhood friends, but I never felt the deep connection that I knew was present between the other "black cat" and myself. 

    It wasn't until many years later that I understood that the black cats were embryos, and we were both in the womb, until one of us wasn't there anymore.  It explained why I have searched for close connections to people, only to be disappointed time and time again.

     Is this whole "twin soul" theory just a replacement for my vanished twin?  Perhaps.  But I feel that it is more likely that I had to experience that loss of my womb twin in order to understand the soul hunger felt by separated Twin Souls.  It may have also prepared me for the unique connection that Twin Souls share. 

    This is one of those mysteries, I think, that will only be answered on the other side of the veil.

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